Despondency
by Suzi.R
Summary: Broken with grief, Tails is sure he's alone in his suffering. But there's one person he can always rely on. Sonic X -based one-shot.


A/N: I am going to warn you now – this is utter rubbish. I had a massive nostalgia attack while browsing through DeviantArt and ended up watching Sonic X all over again several years later XD so then of course I had to write this one-shot as I felt so deeply for Tails. I did draw the cover art above, you can see it properly (if you want to lol) at my deviantart page (User Name Lilac221)

Also, there be spoilers for Sonic X episodes 77 -78 below. Big ones. I based this on the original Japanese dub so you might need to watch episodes 77-78 in Japanese for this to make total sense, because they cut some fair old chunks out of the English version. Boo! XD

**Despondency**

_**Broken with grief, Tails is sure he's alone in his suffering. But there's one person he can always rely on**__. _

_He was barely aware of the tears that were streaming down his cheeks._

"_Tails...do you want her sacrifice to be in vain?"_

_Words that were meant to give him strength, some sort of comfort, he knew that, but they were making no difference. The outcome was still the same – he was going to _KILL_ his best friend. He knew he loved her; but they were so young they had not comprehended that their love was anything more than the love that two best friends had for one another. Tails had always thought they would have plenty of time; that they would grow up together, fighting for what was right, always by each other's side. _

_It couldn't be all over._

_Tails closed the cover over the trigger button. He couldn't do this...he couldn't..._

"_Tails-san...I want you to shoot at me..."_

"_I LOVE YOU!" were the only words that he could remember screaming before he pushed the trigger. He watched as the planet was destroyed, barely able to see through his tears, through the crushing agony in his chest. _

_He was a murderer...it didn't matter that he'd really had no other choice; that he had to save the universe; the word echoed in his head like a death bell tolling. _

_MURDERER!_

Tails shot up in the bed, gasping and fighting the sheets. He swept a hand over his eyes to wipe away the sweat, struggling to free himself from the bed, battling the waves of rising nausea with long, uneven breaths. Every night was the same, his young mind tormented with nightmares over what had happened with Cosmo. He sat on the edge of his bed, head in his hands.

He hoped he hadn't woken anyone up.

_We were living peaceful days again..._

...well, most of them were.

He joined in with their jokes and chatter, his laughter too loud, his eyes slightly brighter than they should have been. He plastered a smile on for their sakes, though it grew tighter and more false as the day wore on. He kept the grin in place through everyone's efforts to "cheer him up" as though he had simply lost a card game and not one of the most important people in his life. He wanted to scream at them, tell them it would never be OK, ask them how the hell was he supposed to "cheer up" and move on as if nothing had happened?!

But he kept these feelings locked up inside - because the small part of him that was still rational, still sensible, not so blinded by grief and pain that it blocked out all his remaining senses – told him that his friends were only trying to be there for him, to support him like friends should.

So he kept his mouth shut, pushing back the strange, tight feeling in his throat that made his voice rise every time he tried to form a coherent sentence. He operated on an automatic level; getting up, working on the X-Tornado, taking his meals with the others, though he could barely swallow and the thought of food made him heave. His meals usually ended up scraped into the bin and he just sipped cup after cup of tea* up to the point where he thought the stuff might come out of his ears if he was tipped to just the right angle.

No-one made any mention of Cosmo or what had gone on that day. Tails _wanted_ them to – but he feared if he brought the subject up that he would lose all self-control. He'd overheard a couple of the others discussing him in hushed tones when they thought he was asleep; how it was best that no-one talked of Cosmo, and of how he was carrying on with his work and talking with everyone as if he was almost back to normal.

It was scary that he'd been taken over by an automated zombie version of himself and not one single person had noticed.

Sonic had given him odd glances now and then; certainly he seemed to cast a knowing look towards the kitsune when he laughed a little too loudly at something one of the others had said. His laughter sounded strange now - hollow and raspy – more like he was sobbing than anything else. Sonic never said anything, his usual stoic yet cheerful self, and Tails would never dream of bringing up the subject to his brother – the person he admired the most.

He breathed a sigh of relief at night-time; when he could close his door and wipe that stupid smile off of his face. His sleep pattern wasn't terrific either; he spent much of the night staring at the ceiling in the darkness, or, if the sky was clear, he'd stand on the balcony and gaze up at the stars. He didn't really believe in heaven, but he felt just a little closer to what he had lost as he stood looking out into the night.

Everything blurred and Tails hid his face in his hands. He wanted Sonic. He wanted Sonic to tell him everything was going to be alright, even though it wasn't. No, he wanted to climb into his brothers' bed and huddle up close to him like a really little kid.

He let out a tiny sob and then started in surprise when he felt a hand on his shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze. Tails couldn't see anything through his blurred vision apart from a blue smudge – either Sonic had overheard him somehow or he'd read the kitsune's thoughts.

Tails lunged at him, flinging his arms round the hedgehog's neck and burying his head in Sonic's shoulder, half expecting to be pushed away or maybe told to pull himself together. He felt as if he needed to hear Sonic say something like that.

He didn't expect to feel his brother's arms around him, lifting him right up as if he was a baby.

Sonic felt a terrible stab of guilt as the fox broke down. They had all forgotten. Forgotten that despite his maturity, his mechanical ingenuity and his invaluable contributions to the team, that Tails was an eight year old boy – a little boy who had just lost someone he loved.

Sonic carried Tails over to the bed, setting him down gently, though the boy was so lost in his grief that he didn't even notice. Tucking him under the covers, the hedgehog wordlessly stroked his brothers' head until the young fox had cried himself to sleep. Sonic watched him for a while before rising from the bed and striding out of the room, his face betraying nothing though he had a determined gleam in his eye.

When Tails awoke the next morning, exhaustion having kept him sound asleep through the night, he squinted in the bright sunlight and looked around the room feeling almost normal until that horrible heavy thud in his chest reminded him things could never be "normal" again. He lay still for a moment, wondering if the night before had been a dream, though he flushed with humiliation at the memory of losing his self-control in front of his brother. _I'm pathetic_, he thought. _What must he think of me now? _It was only when he pulled himself out of bed and looked across the room when something caught his eye near the window. He caught his breath as he realised it was the plant pot – the one they'd planted Cosmo's seed in. There was a short note by the side of it in Sonic's handwriting.

_~ Tails,_

_I hope that this brings you some kind of comfort, little brother._

_~ Sonic_

Tails looked over at the pot, his still-sleepy eyes focusing a little more clearly. There in the centre of the pot, was a tiny seedling.

~FIN~

A/N: Crappy? Yes, but I enjoyed writing it LOL.

*I had Tails drinking tea as he's too young for coffee overload O_O


End file.
